It’s incredibly daunting to sit down and try to write a post about this man.
I could write whole chapters about his patience, kindness, wittiness, and grace. An entire novella on his capacity to self-reflect, forgive, and be vulnerable. A cutesy YA manga on how we met as teenagers, and an annotated dissertation just on our journey as a couple this year alone. (Probably some smut too, just to balance it out.)
But instead I’ll focus on how my husband Patrick has supported me as an entrepreneur. Honestly it’s probably easiest to do that by naming the mistakes I made and how he just sat back patiently, held down the fort, and let me make them.
I don’t half-ass anything (except housekeeping) so when I threw myself into Reiki training it was…. a lot on all of us. We had a toddler and an infant; I was struggling with horrible post-partum depression but in utter denial about it so that weekly Reiki class became a lifeline. Unfortunately, as I opened my business that lifeline became something I allowed to take way too much time away from home and family. It was 50% co-dependency – trying to “have it all, be it all, do it all” – and 50% escapism. Don’t get me wrong, there was such beauty and joy in the whole process – but every process has a shadow side, and this was mine.
I had big, somewhat concerning ideas, like developing a Reiki program inside prisons or traveling the country evangelizing for energy healing as supplemental medicine. I made my client availability waaaaay too open, took clients on same-day notice and tried to avoid making someone wait longer than a week to get an appointment with me. (I was convinced if I didn’t offer that level of flexibility then people would go elsewhere, I’d lose their business and then be out of work. OH, how I want to wrap 2013 Jessica in a blanket and sit her down to explain the toxicity in that mentality!)
And yet, and yet…. through it all Patrick hardly ever mentioned the challenges of supporting me as I grew this practice. He did the whole nighttime routine by himself on all of those evenings and weekends I would see clients during the day, come home to cook dinner, and then go back to the office to see more clients at night (what was I thinking?) When I wanted to teach, he said go for it. When I said I would teach 3 100-hour mentorship cohorts simultaneously he didn’t blink an eye. He held space for my burnout and didn’t take it personally when I was dysregulated. He never once belittled my decisions or how much money I brought home in exchange for such a client-focused lifestyle. He waited until *I* realized it was unsustainable, and then affirmed me in changing the model. In a lot of ways he put his own goals on hold to support mine.
Marriage is a constant dance and it seems like just when you figure out the steps, the beat changes and you have to find new rhythm together. DJ Universe has been switching up our music lately, which has been very challenging but I’m loving our new rhythm. It’s my hope that our new dance can include more give-and-take and room for his dreams, because I’m ready to let him lead for a bit.
I love you infinitely, Patrick. There will never be enough words to name what a blessing you are, or how sure I am that our souls are meant for each other. Thank you for showing me true love.